


A Moment of Hope

by nelliivii4



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 11:44:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16304585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nelliivii4/pseuds/nelliivii4
Summary: Sometime after Crait. Ben struggles to the surface-breaking Kylo Ren down. Bitter truths hit him. Rey experiences a moment of hope and compassion. One shot





	A Moment of Hope

Kylo slumped onto a bench in his training room, defeated. His head hung in his hands, shoulders sagging. The hilt of his light saber abandoned next to him. The rage that had exploded from him was dissipating...leaving smoldering detritus in its wake. Bits of training droids lay haphazardly everywhere, some sparked and tried to reboot--struggling for life, but there was no recovery for them. Their smoking bits sizzled and snapped. Something broke and crashed to the floor--oxidized metal clanking--sad, hollow, pathetic sound echoing around him. It was stupid...the whole thing so stupid.

Why should he...the new Supreme Leader...be so affected by a nobody?

She was a nobody.

But not to him.

Those words had been his. A secret, a realization, a truth, a plea. Her being had crashed into his world, upheaving and obliterating his reality in the aftershock. In that short time, she'd come to mean so much to him. Firstly, as prey, than as an intriguing, unsettling phenomenon. She was an enemy, a confidant, and finally a friend, or at least...an ally. She was many things to him, and he was left dizzy and reeling with despair, hurt, anger, hope...and longing. Not just for her Force strength, not because she'd bested him, but because...

He couldn't really place it, and the feeling made him uncomfortable. Compassion, is what Snoke had called it--what he'd accused him of feeling for her. Compassion, a bitter, weak word. In the forest on Starkiller base, rage had taken over. They'd battled, but it was never a matter of wanting her dead. Then in the throne room, Snoke had crossed a line. Kylo finally saw the truth of that decrepit lunatic. There was never any way Kylo would kill her, but he wanted Snoke dead for it. Her suffering had wrapped itself around his being, bending his will to her, deciding his fate. He knew what he had to do, the finality of it gave him surreal calmness. 

She spurred his murderous intent, catalyzed Snoke's execution. Finally, as for the Praetorian guards, he couldn't let them prevail, even though she was the one who had saved him in the end. Crazy that: she made him do things he never thought he was strong enough to do, and wouldn't have been anyway.

But Snoke had ultimately been right. This was a weakness, because here he was, moping about, bruised and hurt from her rejection. A dog, licking its wounds.

He felt frustrated and angry at his own treacherous heart. He should cleanse himself of this wretched attachment-burn it out of his heart, the way he'd seared his father through the chest.

His father.

A wave of regret washed over him, and for a moment his chest felt tight.

 _Why?_ She had demanded to know. Love and despair for Han vivid on her face. Her breaking heart attacking Ben's defenses, even then.

She'd wanted Han to be her father, even if she didn't know it. The funny thing was was that Han had loved her as one in their short time together. He'd seen it as his father died, holding him, connecting to him. Han had come to rescue _her_ , it was just by chance that he stopped Kylo and asked him to come home. As always he was just an afterthought. His father had really come for her. And his mother, Leia, she loved the girl, too. She gave her a home, shelter, waited for her, set out a beacon to light her way back. The girl meant something to his parents, and they to her, and where was he in all this? The evil one, a monster. 

It was ironic. She...a nobody, was a somebody to his whole pathetic family, even to Luke. He'd come out of exile because of her. Rey was Luke's chosen one. That had burned Kylo, and in his murderous rage he said he'd kill her...an empty threat. He knew. A coward's words. 

Deep down he knew the truth. He couldn't fault anyone for caring for Rey.

The scenario was almost comical. If she'd have just taken his hand, she'd have been their rightful blood. If she'd just given herself to him before all this...then, then...he couldn't imagine what. He just knew that the belonging she wanted most, she had rejected because it was his offer, Kylo Ren himself had offered her the galaxy, had begged for her hand.

 _Yes, Kylo, not Ben,_ a tired voice whispered in his mind.

The plea, his plea, had came from Kylo Ren...not Ben Solo. That was the difference. She could never follow Kylo, but she would have stood with Ben. Ben, a weak and foolish boy who couldn't stop needing his parents. Exactly what he'd accused her of. Her greatest weakness. How could Ben Solo mean anything to anyone? But that was the truth of it. Ben was who she had come to save, who she called home. Ben was the reason she'd fought to the death, who she believed was he worth fighting (even maybe...dying) for.

He knew deep in his bones that she'd never give up on him. The realization unhinged him.  
His chest was at the exploding point, he couldn't breathe. He let out an agonizing howl, ripping his hair from his head. The howl, chilling, a deep gutteral sound of pure primal suffering signaling his being torn and ripped asunder.  
Why couldnt any of them realize that this was who he was? Why did everyone pull him, push him, mess with his heart? He could never go back. He would never again be a Sith lord, be a Jedi, be a Solo, or a Skywalker. He refused. And for that they had all hated him, Snoke, Han, Leia, Luke, Rey...no. That wasn't true, for some reason she felt compassion for him. It had stayed her hand from the killing stroke on the Supremacy, as he lay unconscious at her feet. Her compassion had saved him, and even now in his burning suffering, he could feel it--light and airy stretching across the galaxy. There was just so much trauma, so much pain, suffering, that threatened to black everything out, but still, the light kept reaching for him.  
It was all too much. He collasped onto the floor, gasping in pain, wishing for unconsciousness. The worst was that in that moment Ben felt so lost, so alone.  
As the panic attack begain to subside, he reached out. "Rey," the whisper escaped his lips before he knew it. Her presence burned brightly through the force for a moment though it was distant. She'd heard him. He felt a small push, a gentle brush. She wasn't going to let herself appear before him. She was hurting, too, but she wanted him to know that she was still there. "Ben," he heard a soft whisper in his mind. Her voice. No, she would never give up on him.  
On the Falcon, Rey felt his agony. Her heart betrayed her and it was all she could do not to rush to him. It was intense, whatever was happening to Kylo. Her own being churned in sync with his turmoil. Regret, sorrow, remorse, disappointment, longing...loneliness prevailed upon her and she collapsed to her knees. The Force bond baraged her awareness as it attempted to connect them. She wasn't ready, so she focused all her might on keeping it closed.  
But it was excruciating as his being called for her and the Force wanted to connect them. Her eyes stung with tears as her mind ached. She almost dropped the compressor valve for the hyper drive. In the distance, she vaguely heard Chewy ask her if she was ok. She nodded. He was wise enough to know she needed a moment. She almost blacked out battling for her will.  
Then it began to subsided. Not too soon, because she was going to lose this battle any minute. Kylo! The murderous traitor! She should have put him out of his suffering when she had a chance.  
Her thought hit her, made her want to retch. That was what Luke had thought. That was how he had lost Ben. So self-righteous was she.  
That gave her pause as his feelings bombarded her own. Ben was truly hurting, and she'd almost betrayed him too.  
"Rey," she heard his strangled plea. Ben desperately needed her.  
Tears slid down her face. Ben was still there, just lost, but not forever gone. Everyone was trying to decide for him what he was, and in the ended leaving him, abandoing him. Just like her. She would find him. No matter what.  
Compassion coursed through her, tearing her defenses and walls down, but she cared enough to not save him from his remorse and guilt. It would cleanse his treacherous heart, help restore the balance. But he still needed her and he still needed hope, and she would never abandon him.  
"Ben," she whispered back, and she sent it out--her forgiveness, her compassion. She sent it to protect his light, to mix her light with his, to help it burn brighter, burn through all the darkness. It would light up the galaxy. There was still hope.  
And for the moment, that was enough. For the both of them.


End file.
